forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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