I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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