Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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