Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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