I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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