I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
