Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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