the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
