I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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