that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
