My Higher Power is John Stamos
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
