I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
