READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
