why didn't you poke me back
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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