Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
