im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
