I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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