Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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