If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
