Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
