We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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