I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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