It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
