I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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