do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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