Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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