Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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