You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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