I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
