i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
