I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
