call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
