billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
