So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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