she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
