Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
