you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
