There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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