She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
