I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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