i would punch a child for taco bell
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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