What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
