I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
