Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want her autograph on my taint
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
