My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone came in the potted fern
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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