I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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