This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
