So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
