I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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