i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
