I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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