PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
