Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
