Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
